Discomfort runs on resistance. Stop pushing at it and it runs out of fuel. This is the least intuitive thing in the method and one of the most useful.
Every instinct says the opposite. Something uncomfortable arrives, so you brace, distract, argue with it, or try to make it stop. That response is automatic and it feels like the only sensible option.
It also generates its own tension, which produces more of what you were trying to get rid of.
What Resistance Actually Does
Fighting an experience adds a second experience on top of the first.
You have the anxiety, and then you have the struggle against the anxiety. The struggle is effortful, it keeps the threat assessment active, and it holds your body in the state that produces the sensations. So the thing you are fighting gets refuelled by the fighting.
Worse, the fear tends to layer. First the situation. Then fear of what your body is doing about the situation. Then fear about the thought you just had about your body. Each layer is a response to the one before, and none of them requires anything from the outside world.
The Alternative
Open and allowing is not a technique. It is a stance.
You let what is present be present. Thoughts race, let them race. A sensation arrives, let it arrive. You are not fixing anything, not analysing anything, and not waiting for it to go.
That last part matters. Allowing something in order to make it leave is still resistance, just quieter. The system can tell the difference.
What Happens
Usually something anticlimactic.
The intensity builds for a while. Then it plateaus. Then it fades, because nothing is feeding it. Bodies cannot sustain high alert indefinitely, and left alone they settle.
Do that a few times and you learn something no amount of reassurance can teach you: these are experiences that come and go, and you are safe. Not because someone told you so, but because you stayed and found out.
That is how trust gets built, and trust is what fear runs out of room in.
Three Stages
The stance moves through three positions, and knowing which one you are in helps.
Tolerating. Gritted teeth. Waiting for it to be over. Still resistance, but you are no longer running.
Allowing. Genuinely letting it be there without an agenda about when it leaves. This is where the fuel supply gets cut.
Welcoming. Actively making room for it. This sounds absurd until you have done it, and then it turns out to be the most effective of the three, because there is nothing left for the discomfort to push against.
Most people start at tolerating. That is fine. It is a progression, not a test.
What This Is Not
It is not giving up. Allowing an experience is not accepting that your life has to stay this way. It is refusing to fight the sensation while you work on the belief underneath it.
It is not liking it. Nothing here requires you to enjoy discomfort or to pretend it is fine.
It is not passivity. If there is something real to act on, act. This applies to the internal weather, not to genuine problems requiring a response.
Micro Practice: Let It Be There
- Sit comfortably and breathe steadily for a minute.
- Bring your attention to whatever is uncomfortable. A sensation, a worry, a thought that keeps returning.
- Do not argue with it and do not try to move it. Let it be there and look at it.
- Notice any tension in your body. That tension is usually you bracing. Let it soften on the exhale.
- Remind yourself that this is something you are observing, and that it is not dangerous.
- Stay a little longer than is comfortable, then finish with a few breaths.
Practising It Deliberately
You do not have to wait for something difficult to arrive. It is more useful to practise this on purpose, in a situation you have chosen, while the stakes are low.
Pick something mildly uncomfortable that you would normally avoid. Stay with it. Notice what your body does, notice it plateau, notice it settle. You are collecting evidence, and evidence is what changes a belief.
Where This Fits
Open and allowing supports Mindfulness, because you cannot observe something you are busy fighting, and Compassion, because letting something be there without attacking yourself for it requires kindness.
It also does direct work on acceptance, one of the three themes underneath every difficult emotion. See also why anxiety feeds on itself.
To practise with guidance, the Meditation Library has open and allowing at 10, 15 and 20 minutes, and a sleep-aid version.
