Step One
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the skill of becoming aware of what is happening around and within us.
Without awareness, nothing else in the 4-Steps™ is possible.
What Mindfulness Is
Mindfulness is awareness. Nothing more mystical than that.
It is
- ✓Simply noticing
- ✓A learnable skill
- ✓Seeing what is already there
It is not
- ✗Meditation
- ✗Spirituality
- ✗Emptying our minds
What We Become Aware Of
Awareness reaches in three directions at once.
Attention
Whether we are in the past, the present, or the future.
Inside
Body sensations, thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Outside
People, places, objects, and interactions.
The Two Skills of Mindfulness
They work together. One finds the spotlight, the other reads what it lands on.
Attentional Awareness
Knowing where our attention is.
“Where is my attention?”
Experiential Awareness
Knowing what is happening in our experience.
“What am I noticing?”
Two Ways to Pay Attention
Attention has a zoom. We move between two modes constantly, usually without noticing.
Zoom In
We settle on one thing and examine it closely: one thought, one feeling, or one sensation.
Zoom Out
We take in the whole picture at once. Our overall state, the general feel of a moment, without latching onto any one part.
For example
Driving on a highway, we use open awareness for the flow of traffic, what is ahead, what is in the mirrors. Then a sign appears and we zoom in. Read it, and zoom back out.
Both are useful. Knowing we can choose between them is one of the most practical things mindfulness gives us.
Your Attention Wanders
A wandering mind is normal. Mindfulness is not keeping attention perfectly focused.
It is noticing that our attention wandered, and gently bringing it back.
One
Notice
Catch that attention has drifted
Two
Redirect
Bring it gently back
Three
Continue
Carry on without judgment
Every return strengthens the skill. The wandering is not the failure. It is the repetition.
The Layers of Experience
As awareness grows, we notice more than one thing at a time.
Layer One
Body Sensations
What the body is reporting right now.
Layer Two
Emotions
How that is being felt.
Layer Three
Thoughts and Beliefs
What we are telling ourselves it means.
Layer Four
Behavioral Impulses
What we are being pulled to do about it.
The observer can move through every layer.
Open and Allowing
Our first instinct is often to fight uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Mindfulness teaches a different response.
Practice
- ✓Observing it
- ✓Allowing it
- ✓Learning from it
Instead of
- ✗Fighting it
- ✗Suppressing it
- ✗Escaping it
For example
A ringing in the ears is easy to fight: straining to ignore it, resenting it, waiting for it to stop. None of that made it quieter. What did was simply observing it, noticing the sound was there without adding a story about what it meant. Left alone, it receded on its own.
Mindfulness Is Not Enough
Awareness without kindness can become self-criticism.
Every time we notice instead of react, we are strengthening mindfulness.
Mindfulness opens the door. Compassion makes it safe to walk through.
