The traditional practice. We open up and send good wishes to ourselves first, and then outward to others.
Listen to the Meditation
About This Practice
The order matters. We start with ourselves, because most of us do not treat ourselves nearly as well as we treat the people we care about, and because it is difficult to offer others something you have not got any of.
Then it moves outward. Someone you love. Someone neutral. And eventually someone you find difficult, which is where the practice stops being comfortable.
That last part is the real work. You will notice resistance, and the resistance is worth observing rather than overriding. What usually sits underneath it is a belief that wishing someone else well costs you something, as though goodwill were in limited supply and giving them some leaves less for you. It does not work that way. Everyone’s light can shine at once.
What this builds is acceptance, one of the three themes underneath every difficult emotion. Sending goodwill to someone you are in conflict with does not mean approving of what they did. It means stopping the fight with reality about who they are.
This supports Compassion, and it tends to change how you feel about yourself more than you expect.
Micro Practice: Three Breaths
In a room with other people, take three breaths.
- Breathe and settle on the breath itself.
- Breathe and wish the people around you well, silently.
- Breathe and send the same good wishes to yourself.